Things I think versus things I say: I’m somewhat less confrontational than most people. (I can hear the guffaws from my family and friends from here. Less confrontational? She thinks she’s less confrontational? She’s a wuss. She rolls over and plays dead.) Okay, whatever. It’s just a matter of translating. Owner of UgliestPuppyEverBorn: Wow, look at that; all the hair on your dog’s back is standing up! Me: (nervous chuckle) Yeah, look at that! Translation: Yes, you cretin, that’s because your dog is being very aggressive and leaping on MY legs and barking profanities in my dog’s face. Why don’t you and your inebriated “date” take your dog to obedience classes? Also: And don’t turn your back on me when I’m trying to fend off your dog. It is dangerous and rude. Even later: And, by the way, your dog is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. What the HECK is that breed? How can it breathe with that squashed nose? Even later: Hmph.
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I can just hear them back at their lair...
"Sweet! That yuppiemobile was loaded!"
"Hey dipwad, help me unload this stuff."
"In a second, grandma! Check out this GPS!"
"OK if you're not gonna help, at least dry the tools and put them away."
"Where does the jack go?"
"Oh criminy, do I have to do everything? Move over, clown. There. Now hand me the lug wrench."
"It's not here."
"Idiot. Look in back."
"I'm telling you, it's not here. I looked everywhere."
"I swear to god, if you left it behind... I'll do the next one with your teeth."
"I could go back for it."
"You're a moron. Help me with these wheels."
Also, um. I don't think thugs say "criminy" much these days.
:-)
Why art thou leering at Marsh's ......
Sorry, but else would a rearview do? :)