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Things I think versus things I say:

I’m somewhat less confrontational than most people. (I can hear the guffaws from my family and friends from here. Less confrontational? She thinks she’s less confrontational? She’s a wuss. She rolls over and plays dead.) Okay, whatever.

It’s just a matter of translating.

Owner of UgliestPuppyEverBorn: Wow, look at that; all the hair on your dog’s back is standing up!

Me: (nervous chuckle) Yeah, look at that!

Translation: Yes, you cretin, that’s because your dog is being very aggressive and leaping on MY legs and barking profanities in my dog’s face. Why don’t you and your inebriated “date” take your dog to obedience classes?

Also: And don’t turn your back on me when I’m trying to fend off your dog. It is dangerous and rude.

Even later: And, by the way, your dog is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. What the HECK is that breed? How can it breathe with that squashed nose?

Even later: Hmph.

Comments

Anonymous said…
stupid people. how did they not know their beast was attacking you and scaring your dog???
1:39 PM
listeme said…
I have a few theories. One is that they were indeed stupid. Another is that they are the owners of a small dog; I think sometimes people don't train small dogs as well because they are easy to control. They can scoop them up instead of making them behave. I think I sometimes do this myself. A third is that honestly they seemed clueless. Friendly, nice, but awfully clueless. Also, they were paying a lot of attention to each other, checking each other out, and so forth, rather than watching their puppy -- which was off lead. Dog park courtship.
1:57 PM
Anonymous said…
pshaw. i vote for malicious ignorance.
2:34 PM
Zinnia said…
reminds me of march's best quote ever: "I LIKE bunnies.... with GRAVY." anyhoo. we, your adoring public, are a little bored and sick of waiting for updated posts. you call yourself a blogger? where is your devotion, your passion for written blather? get on it. immediately.
8:45 PM
listeme said…
Let me just clarify something about Zinnia's humorous anecdote... March is her child; I am MarSh. In case anyone had any thoughts that I am a gravy-pouring bunny killer.

(I am proud to say, however, that March is my namesake. I wouldn't "allow" Zinnia to use Marcia. But March is a GREAT name. -- love, Auntie Marcia)
9:03 PM
Zinnia said…
and march, like marsh, is evil. she takes on ian and wins. she is VERY funny. and only 5.

and i know you have eaten bunnies. with gravy.
9:07 PM
Emly said…
HEY
HEY
HEY
HEY

HEY

HEY.
HEY.

HEY.

HEY.

NO.
8:08 AM
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