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January 6.

I’m way behind. I have only ONE resolution for 2006 so far (no fast food), but I’ve reminded myself that resolving should be done more often than once a year. (I’ve also already refined the no fast food rule: soda through the drive-thru does not count, nor does Starbucks. I’m still undecided about Subway, but I’m leaning towards saying it’s okay.)

One of the stories I wrote at Odyssey was rejected on New Year’s Eve. I had a lot of hope in that story. Often rejections are something to file away, deal with, consider… and then I move on. This one was a real kick in the teeth. I’ve been really transparent about the writing and submission process with John. In the past I’ve been pathologically private about the whole process. So perhaps having him see it, see my flawed writing, see my vulnerability (he was beside me when I opened the email rejection letter) -- this was quite a stretching experience for me. And curiously, even though I felt quite raw at the time, talking it through with him continues to strengthen something really important in me. But the rejection still pains me, makes me doubt myself.

I gotta keep doing it. I have been doing a lot of soul-searching and agonizing and wondering about my goals. I write a lot of different kinds of things. I write privately by hand in a journal. That’s not for fame or fortune, obviously. I write in this blog. I still don’t know all the reasons I do this. I argue in forums. That is just for fun! I write weird little stories for money, very small amounts of money, barely enough for fast food.

Which… I am no longer allowed to have. It is the circle of life.

Comments

Zinnia said…
you should always make sure that some of your new year's resolutions are very fun. like, i resolve to take a walk whenever the weather is beautiful. i resolve to take more photographs. i resolve to draw. i resolve to eat chocolate and drink more wine. THEN add one in that's good for you. i resolve to eat more fiber. i resolve to answer the phone at least some of the time even if it is a bill collector. i resolve to ask for help if i need it. build success into the resolutions.
10:41 PM
Anonymous said…
Oh, those rejections.... I'm sorry. But you know, right, that it's as much about the right story on the right editor's desk at the right moment than about anything intrinsic to the piece or its quality?

Hope you've sent it out again somewhere else!

Happy New Year....

love,
whome
12:17 PM
listeme said…
I'm thinking of making a sculpture project out of my rejection letters. I am serious.

I'm going for the "buried in amber" look. Will post photos if it turns out at all cool.
2:04 PM
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