Skip to main content
Cape Cod Scrabble Tournament, 2005.

Have I mentioned I love this game? I went 6-6 this tournament, and that says so very little about how the games actually went. Sometimes, just like in many other pursuits, I feel off or sluggish or just out of it. This weekend, I felt on. On on on. I felt fierce and smooth and sharp-edged. So take the six losses and feel that rush.

Things just keep falling into place. My ex-mother-in-law, a woman I have always admired and always will, asked me how I was doing yesterday, and I said immediately that I am coming to a place of equilibrium and peace. Pretty amazing to feel this way; to an outsider, it must look very different. I’m heading into my forties, newly divorced, rather job-free (ha ha), living too far away from John… but we have the beginnings of plans and a base so solid you wouldn’t believe it even if I rambled on for hours, so I won’t!

What is the next step? The question came from an unlikely source, but honestly, it is a great question and we are attacking it with vigor and eagerness. What is the next step?

Comments

Anonymous said…
I envy the feeling; keep it as long as you can. Today I learned how far I was from being an adult. Something happened to shake my life up a bit, and I froze, if only for a moment. In that moment my values were tested, things I took as given were questioned, and I'm not sure how they've turned out.
listeme said…
I don't think I've had a single day yet where I have felt like an adult the whole day through. Maybe that inner child stuff isn't just claptrap after all! Although I usually am tempted to throttle my inner child, I admit.

Popular posts from this blog

This has been a very long week -- perhaps 16 or 17 days, at least. I have been offered -- and accepted -- my younger sister’s finished basement for the next year and a half. This will be a major cost-saver for me and a big help for her (she has two toddlers and is expecting a baby in August.) So that was a humongous start to the week. My other sister and her teenaged son have had to make some really hard decisions. She gave me permission to quote her: “spent yesterday at the hospital with my son. about eleven hours. sitting here writing and rewriting this entry trying to find just the right words. how to explain-- he is not healthy. he is mentally ill. he is not safe at home. none of this really covers it. so here's one image from the day. we walk into the east wing at maine med escorted by security. the very nice guard LOOKS like a skinhead but actually has incredible kindness and compassion for my snarly boy. he tells us gently that he has to check ian for weapons and sharp o...

Foggy morning

Next to my bed , I keep a pad of paper and pen (and flash cards and water and ear plugs and an alarm clock…). All the writer’s guides suggest this for writing down middle of the night inspirations. This is a fine plan. I’ve had great results. I’ve come up with solutions to difficult plot situations. Names of evil villainesses. Entire worlds. I’ve remembered doctor’s appointments. Occasionally the light of day reveals something less like a solution and more like the mystery of all mankind: “the plumber trumps! Seventeen children, be aware.” But usually the pad of paper holds something… useful. This morning’s result: One word. Mist. Is it a metaphor for my future? A laundry detergent? A new name for Sprite? A weather report? I don’t remember waking. My dreams remain stubbornly opaque. My subconscious mind obviously felt “Mist” to be of enough import to rouse me to reach for the pen. I even capitalized the word. Hmm. I wonder how many seeds of “great Ame...
Eighth grade mall dilemma . Say Ashley and Nicole have been best friends since kindergarten, but now, because of a suspicious incident at last week’s dance, Ashley has decided that Nicole is out to Steal Her Boyfriend. So she doesn’t want to hang out with Nicole, of course. Nicole is furious that Ashley has accused her of such a thing. Ashley’s boyfriend isn’t even that cute! So, Nicole doesn’t want to hang out anywhere – I mean ANYWHERE – that Ashley might be. Unfortunately, the mall is still the best place to hang out, and she is not going to stop hanging out there, for god’s sake, not because of that horrible Ashley certainly. But clearly it wouldn’t hurt to try to show up there when she knows Ashley won’t be there, like during Ashley’s bassoon lesson on Thursday night or Sunday morning when Ashley’s family is at church. But there is a problem. If she only goes to the mall at those times, then Ashley will hear about it and know that Nicole is only going during times whe...